shagg die me

hais , today is another shagg day for me .
why is it so ? suddenly think alot of stuff .
i do have lots of things to stress about too uhh ?
friends , family . money , bills and relationship .
all gather up and i feel so stress up now . hais .

firstly , once i think of the bill thing i help med sign ,
i really do regret alot . hais . she havent even pay me the amount that she gonna pay .
and others say that , its GG for me . cause she wont pay .
but i trust her . and i still wait . i just hope that she wont lie to me .
blame me for being stupid to help her sign .
and the line now got cut off . i wanted to cancel the broadband thingy , cause i dont wanna help le . but then if i cancel it , i gonna pay 1000 plus lehs . hais
where do i have the huge mount to pay ? and my hp bill , gonna pay 300 plus ,
for 3 months le . hais . i really dont know what to do .
now the line have been cut off . and my audi cpl lend me the amount for the 1st and 2nd mth .
to just go and pay the bills . but what about the future ? what if she doesnt pay me back ?
how do i have the money to pay my audi cpl back ? alot people are helping me .
but i dont want , cause i still gonna return them , i dont know when i can return them .
if i really lend the help from them . how how how ? i really dont know what to do now .
if its like that , i rather wait till i go in sua , then come out . but its a little lame .
cause go in sit cause never pay bills . hais . i dont wanna think so much le .

and i hate this life style i had now .
i wanna go back to the past , when i'm with ng yaya that group .
its like we are having fun all the way , without fail . i hate this life now .
i want the past , when i can joke , laughs , and without stress .
and then we go drink and go where ever i want . i really hate this life now .
i wanna stop and get back to the past , but .... its too late .
maybe i should quit era life le . and get on a new start .
era really makes me sad . stress and thought there's fun and laughter .
but still , its a sad place for me . one day , i shall really quit era .
i should get a new life . a new start . from maybe next week on next month on .
i really cant bare to throw all my dearest friends here . my gans and so many more .
i make new friends everyday . every week . i really cant bare to throw them here .
but i think i got to do it . even thought i cant bare . hais .
i want the new me , not the old me . i want to be more good . and more hardworking .
so i shall start a new le . a new begining for me . (:
might be better yeah ? hais , maybe me and jie wont meet often , but at least .
we can get back to the past . and i will have to start working . to pay my bills .

family , which i'm also stress about . cause i didnt went back to my serangoon for the past 1 week . was staying at bedok house . alone . well .
hais , and i dont want them to stress up for me . they really do treat me well .
but is i dont know how to appreciate it . i'm so ungratfull man .
hais , i really felt like a failure now . all those things i cant handle myself .
i'm 18 and i cant stop letting my family to stop worrying about me .
hais , to them , i might just be a 8 years old kid . i'm so sorry to my family .
hais , i really hope to change , but its hard . who can change me ? none bahs .
i really hate myself so much now . sometimes , i really felt like dying man .
hais . this kind of life , who can take it ? with so much stress and pressure .
i hope to do more good stuff to my family . so that they wont worry for me anymore .
but still , i gonna say , i'm sorry for me attitude and beheviour .

and lastly , relationship stuff , its always going bad on me .
and i cant find someone who i can really last with .
those who i really love , always make me upset nor heartbroken .
hais , i dont trust love anymore . i dont wanna trust it too .
i wanna be alone , where i can just be really alone . hais .
and it really hurts me , i dont know what to do too .
i wanna really put my love on you . but this is what i get ?
hais , i really dont know what to do .
maybe i shall wait , and maybe i shouldnt . and to give up .
but i shall see how . i will follow my heart . if i think i should ,
i will give up . i swear , cause i also dont wanna stay in era anymore .
i hate this life , these memories . the sadness place . fcuk it all ! AHHHHHHH ! T.T