i'm still trying hard to give up

on the 18th , went to give out flyers at amk , and ya , was not in the good mood . cause the boss say wednesday then can get pay -.- from friday till wednesday . wtf sial . then was like finding money , as was going boat quay to meet yaya , clarissa and the rest . then went to amk hub , saw vance bestie . followed by x.bee and the girlf , then felicia and drea , mood starting to get low . and ya , then the whole group came , even sotplug . seems like the whole group are still sooo good . so yeah , mood down , everything down , went off to boat quay . drink and drink and dont feel like talking . all i do was to sms nia . till very long , then play games with yaya . then after that , went back . not feeling that well . and then reach home at 4 , from 11 drink till 4 . thinking whether to go on the 26 not . hais . cause the group are there . guess i have to be strong from now on . i dont have to always rely on people . cause i know i cant rely them for long . i may be too harsh at times , but then sometimes , i mustn't be too soft hearted le . tomorrow still gonn work ! argh ! at amk again . meeting few friends there , but ya , its my own friend , not theirs . LOL ! and ya , gonna go sleep now. been thinking too much all this days . till my head hurts alot ):

i keep all those memories inside me , but then , leaving them , it hurts me inside . this is the group that i truely treasure . but now , i'll put it to an end . i still remember ford ask me a question , name out everyone in the group from the most important to the least important . somehow . i cant really name it out . because the rest are equally the same important . i still remember how i know them till now when i quarrel with them , from how much they dote me last time till now like this . i dont know what's happening to myself . i'm like giving up myself now . who else will care ? got . my jie nia . ngyaya . she wont hurt me like how the rest hurt me . or to make me upset . i really wanna give up le . i'm tired already . i'm falling already . how long i have hang out with this group ? how much have i see the changes in them . how long must i torture myself in this situation ? how much tears i must put in ? i'm very very sick and tired le . i just wish , no one care about me , no one sms me or call me . no one bother about me , unless i wanna sms or find that person . enjoy with friends is the best thing ever , joy and laughter . but when sadness come , you are the only one who is gonna suffer . no one will be closer to you unless they are your true sister/brother .