27/12/2011

Well, I guess I've a wonderful boyfriend. Just that his flaws are more than his good points. Just wanna rant things here. And yeah maybe this is a better place to rant at since it's already been private. Oh ya, talking about my boyfriend. Well, he's quite sweet. But then, sometimes I really wish he have half of what jk have. Which is to be much more sweeter, much more caring, & showing me more attention instead of his friends.

This few months, things isn't going very well. Know why? Because I felt being neglected. I felt so insecure. He's giving me those cold message with those one words ( eg: okok, don't know, Orh, tired. ) which I don't know how to explain. And now. He's putting brother and friends so importantly. Last time, he's so much sweeter. Like how pooh love honeys! ): it's really hurting to see him change till like this. Almost every night, I've to cry myself to sleep. Yeah, I admit I hate it when he doesn't spend his free time with me. Like going out to walk, watching a movie, going out for a dinner and afterwards plan. It's like... I wish I've a rs like how others had. Talking and cuddling with each other. And also. Try not to find quarrel. I just want a loving relationship. Whereby I can tell all my secrets to, and also feel safe being together with him. Being able to feel the love and secure by him when he start wooing me from the start. I really do miss that........

I really wish I could motivate him with my actions, words and feeling. But, after so much tries, he just don't wanna do anything about it. Everyday gamble, meet other friends. Getting into problems. Why can't he put half of the attention to me? When I really wanna last this rs and get stable down. It's really so hurting. Which I'm really lost now. Sigh..

I wish whichever god who've see this, can listen to my prayers. I really mean him good. And want him to just work hard for himself. And not getting into trouble, or just continue his life like this on mj, brother, drinking and neglecting me... I'm sorry for the past i'd treated you. But I'm trying to do what I'm suppose to now. I'm sorry for always initiating the break up. But then the trust is not there already. I'm sorry for making a fuss out of small matter but I really wants you to understand the situation and each of us can move a step back to resolve things. I'm really sorry that I couldn't be the perfect girl you want and I can't be a good girlfriend. But I'm trying real hard to be one already... I'm really sorry..